What Motherhood has taught me so far...

Motherhood isn't defined by one book or principle or another woman's experiences. It isn't a role with set rules and procedures. Just like pregnancy, it varies from one woman to the other. It's so easy to get caught up comparing ourselves from our pregnancy symptoms to the size of our bumps and our babies' weight/height and milestones reached. These things are obviously unavoidable and support is definitely a must (it helped me greatly-read below) but there are times when I do end up stressing over things I shouldn't be stressing about. Don't get me wrong as discussing these things are actually enjoyable for me but like everything else, balance is key.

Like all Moms and Soon-To-Be Mothers, when I found out I was pregnant, I tried to educate and prepare myself by reading books, blogs, asking my friends about their experiences, etc - pretty much anything and everything to equip me for the coming of my baby. I was pretty much set with how I wanted things to be done from exclusively breastfeeding to never co-sleeping and the list continues.We can make plans as to how we want things done but we know that not everything will go as planned and that's just part of life. There are some things that are out of our control and I want to just share a few things I learned over the last four months.

1. Don't be so hard on yourself:
As mentioned earlier, I had planned to exclusively breastfeed my baby. Well, that didn't happen!
*Olivia came out early and was at the NICU for two weeks. She was fed through a tube in the beginning and had to use a tool to help her breathe and although I tried so hard to pump, it just was not enough. Once she was discharged, I made an appointment with the Lactation Consultant because I needed help. I can still remember our conversation.. She said "What?! It has been over a month and you're not making enough?! WHY???" It crushed me. For weeks, I was trying so hard to care for my baby and I felt so incompetent and when I did seek help, I received that kind of response. Not to say that she didn't help us because she did but people really should be a LITTLE more or extra sensitive.
*Postpartum complications - while I was having that issue, I had other physical concerns which I won't go into detail with but after multiple doctor visits and examinations, I may not be able to get pregnant again.

2. Teamwork in Marriage:

At a very young age, I've learned to do be independent. I like do things on my own from doing household chores and taking care of other things. Because of this, I do not like the idea of having to ask someone for help. Yes, even my husband at times but I've learned that even when I want to do everything, I just cannot! After having the baby, I needed all the help I could get and communicating this with JC was essential for me to have some balance. 

3. Take everything with a grain of salt:

I don't think we, as moms, could ever avoid people giving us their input on how to raise and care for a child. I already feel so overwhelmed with everything and it doesn't help when I hear everyone else telling me what I should and should not be doing. You would think that people know that you only want what's best for your baby but such comments are also unavoidable. We just have to take it with a grain of salt. I'm sure that no one means us any harm and that there are some things that we can learn from these conversations.

4. Encourage other Moms/Mothers-to-be:
*From my complications with pregnancy and postpartum, I am very grateful for the people who encouraged and prayed for me. It made a huge difference when I know I was not alone in my battles and because of this, I want to be there for my friends who have gone through the same thing or are going through similar battles. 

Moms go through SO MUCH: physically, emotionally and mentally that it can be all very much overwhelming. Motherhood, so far, has taught me to let go of the notion of what it means to be a good/perfect mother and that I will just have to learn as I go. There are no set rules for me to follow because every pregnancy or baby really is different. At the end of the day, I would know what's best for myself and my baby and that's all that matters.

When I was on maternity leave, John 3:30 was the verse that God impressed on my heart especially after enduring all my complications: "He must become greater; I must become less." It's such a great reminder when I get bogged down by my emotions and circumstances to re-focus on that truth. Motherhood is sacrificing my wants, time, pretty much my everything for the gift of having Olivia and becoming a Mom. It's learning to look past myself and to focus on what God has called me to be. 

In Him,
Vanessa